Category: Laugh

Awaiting the final out of the World Series, the Webster’s finally could have their lesson.  It began with mom telling a funny story she heard from the lady she visit taught earlier that day who had been with President Monson in Rome last week.

After the short funny story, Dad took over the lesson.  First question Dad asks, “Who was the last known living Nephite?”  After the pauses and guesses and Dad helped them derive the answer.  Realizing that they needed a little background, he started talking about Coriantumr to which Cinco replied, “Hey!  Why did you leave out Ether?  Ether’s my favorite book!  Don’t you know he spent like 32 years alone with the Grass Plates?”

To which Doodle Bug said, “What plates?”

“GRASS Plates!”  He replied.  After we clarified they were BRASS plates, the lesson moved on.

As the lesson ends, and Dad is deciding who to call on for prayer, Doodle Bug tells us to wait because she saw headlights.  A few minutes later the doorbell rings.  In walks Scout and his friend dressed in some great Halloween costumes.    As soon as we brief them on the highlights of the lesson, including the Grass Plates, we kneel for prayer.

No sooner is Amen said, than BJ Dude quickly says to Mom, “Name any state.  We’ll let Cinco guess first, then Shotgun.  If they can’t get it, I’ll answer.”

So I (Mom) said, “Washington.”

“Olympia!”  says BJ Dude quickly.  To which Mom replies, “I thought you were going to answer last!”

So Mom says, “Nevada?” looking at Cinco.

Cinco quickly replies, “Caroline.”

Caroline?  So I turn to Shotgun….”Nevada?”

There’s a pause……”I don’t care!….pause…….Wait, I know this!”

Cinco:  “I know it starts with a ‘C’!”

Dad:  “What’s the name of that old Western show?….”

BJ Dude whispering in Cinco’s ear: “Carson City.”

Cinco:  “CARSON CITY!”

Shotgun:  SLAP– he whacks Cinco’s leg.  Cinco falls on the ground.

Dad:  “That’s uncalled for!”

Doodlebug:  “Mississippi?”

Cinco:  “Missouri.”

BJ Dude:  “New Mexico?”

Dad:  “Albuquerque.”

BJ Dude:  “Santa Clara?”

With the quickest answer in the West…..Cinco says, “St. George!”

Mom:  Why does everyone answer the state capital with another state?”

Doodle Bug:  “Yeah.  Your family need some help!  Look at this.  This is what I did for dinner.”  (Takes out placemat map of the states where she has filled in the states and capitals during dinner.)

Mom looks at placemat.  Doodlebug points to BJ Dude’s work.  Mom cracks up.  This is a good blog post.

Doodlebug:  “You can’t post this.  You’ll offend people!”

So here I am posting it.  I will first let you know that I love all people.  Yet I still get a kick out of random sense of humor.  Please do not take offense!

Here is the one end of the phone conversation I hear yesterday afternoon with BJ Dude talking to either his dad or brothers who had left to go deer hunting, but stopped at the grocery store on the way out of town…..

“Where are you?”

“Lins?  Getting what?”

“THICK SLICED BACON??!!  Livin’ the dream, huh?”

I’m still laughing!!!

These struck me as funny in my reading this morning….

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”  Proverbs 21:9

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness , than with a contentious and an angry woman.”  Proverbs 21:19

Some wise counsel from Solomon.  Someone must have been dealing with a troublesome woman.   Still cracking me up!

My sweet BJ Dude landed kind of funny in his football game on Sept. 29, 2010.  So funny was the landing, in fact, that he had to be hauled off the field in an ambulance.

Turns out he had a pretty nice dislocated elbow and a fracture that needed surgery and a pin put in it.

Following the surgery, the nurse came out to take us back to recovery.  She said to us, “He is the nicest boy.  Even though he is in so much pain, he keeps thanking us and saying ‘I’m sorry.'”

Immediately into my mind came these words, “the measure of a man’s character is not how he acts when things are going good, but how he acts under adversity.  Your son has great character.”  I almost became emotional as I thought about this brave 12 year old boy who was being so tough and only cried when talking about the play– landing on the one yard line instead of in the end zone, how the pain felt, and what it was like looking down at his arm all cock-eyed.

Yes, this “man” had character.  I, on the other hand, nearly jumped across the bed and kicked the Dr. in the shins when he was putting his arm back in socket.  The Dr. is a good friend of ours and I couldn’t figure out why he would not knock him out for this procedure.  I wasn’t thinking too Christlike at that moment.  Yet my boy was brave and kind.

What a great lesson to me in how I need to face my trials and adversities– with “thank you’s” and “I’m sorry’s” and remembering to be Christlike.  I will always be grateful to my sweet son!

Yesterday, Cinco came in with some new shorts he had bought for his birthday.  He wondered if they were big enough or if he should go trade them in for a bigger size.  (Bear in mind, he’s always had clothes that are too big because he gets all the hand-me-downs.)  I looked down at his shorts which seemed to fit perfectly.  I said, “What is the problem with them?”

He said, “They’re only this long,” moving his hand to show me the length below his knee.

I said, “Well they look long enough to me.”

“Well, my other shorts come to here,” he said making a line at his calf.  (Which made me realize that this kid has always worn really long shorts.

Then Mr. Perfect chimed in, “Well, what about John Stockton shorts?”

To which Cinco quickly replied, “Well, they come up to here (making a line at his thighs), and I just don’t have the legs for that!”

He’s 10.  He’s funny.  I can only laugh and wonder what he thinks great legs look like…..

And now you know the secret to John Stockton’s shorts.

As I was dropping off Cinco to school today, he commented about the upcoming Kite Festival on Saturday.  He wanted to go.  I asked him if he filled out his paper and turned it in, because I haven’t seen the thing since it came home months ago.  They have to read every night for 15-20 minutes for three months to earn a kite.  He told me he had turned it in.  I asked him if he was honest and had really done it.  To which he replied, “Yes, Mom!  Don’t you trust me?  I couldn’t live with myself if I lied.  If I won an ipod or prize and didn’t earn it and lied about it, I would feel guilty.  When I lie I feel guilt.”

Shocked is a good word for what I was feeling.  Shocked because these are the values I want to be teaching them, hoping to be teaching them, but wondering if any thing ever sinks in or comes through.

Today was a good mom day.  My boy has integrity, and that is something not many people have.  How grateful I was feeling.  And I thought, “guilt is a good thing.  It should keep us doing what is right if we don’t push it aside.”

He’s a good kid and somehow, it makes me worry a lot less about him.

Here are my writings from the week of 10/12/03.

Cinco  was on one this week!!!!

First of all, I was fixing some toast the other morning.  I figure– how can you mess that up???? (Evidently I was having trouble fixing foods that everyone liked…) Well, I offered Cinco some toast and this is his reply…. “That’s not toast!  It’s a square and a sandwich!”

Funny mother.  See funny mother???

After the toast bit, I was in cleaning the bathroom.  Cinco woke up from his nap with a really dirty face.  He came walking in the bathroom where I was cleaning.  He saw his face in the mirror and was staring at himself, then said, “Look at my owie on my new head.”

(As opposed to your old one????   And by the way, there was no owie, just dirt, in case you were wondering.)

Brooke  loves coming over here.  She is our almost two-year old neighbor.  Cinco ususally freaks out when she comes and hoards all of his toys.  She was walking over to the house.  Cinco saw here and hollered to her mom, Nola, “can you get her the broken power ranger?”    I looked at Nola.  Evidently they have a broken power ranger at her house and he wanted her to bring her own toy because he didn’t want to share.

I was at the Michelle M’s house this week for a little meeting.  Michelle and I were waiting for another mom to come, so while we were waisting time, I said to Michelle (who is a hairdresser), “maybe I should have you cut Cinco’s hair.  Maybe he’ll be good for you.”  (He never sat still for me and always cried when I tried to cut it.

So we went into her shop.  Cinco was balking at the opportunity, so BJ Dude hopped up to have his hair done.  We kept trying to convince Cinco that he should get his hair cut.  He kept saying that it hurt to have his hair cut.  BJ Dude was telling him that it didn’t.  Then Cinco said, “dat’s it!  I’m outta here!”

I thought Michelle was going to die laughing!!!

Just this morning, we were walking to the car to go to church.  Brooke was outside and started yelling “Hi Mom” to me.  (She calls me “mom” because she hears Cinco calling me mom.)  Well, Cinco was coming behind me and heard her and got mad.

Yelling at ME, he said, “Brookie’s not your mom!  I’M your mom!”

Back in the BC days (Before Cell phones), we didn’t have a whole lot of money to spend on cars. Well, truth is, we didn’t have a whole lot of money at all. So we typically bought something well used. That being the case, it was not unusual to have car troubles. One week in particular seemed to be especially fun. It was the week I learned the truth about Superman.

The week started off with my car stalling on me in the middle of the road just past the college. I was able to get off to the side of the road. I had a couple of little kids with me and it was the middle of July. (Why does everything seem to happen in July when it’s blazing hot??) Some nice person stopped and helped me. I was able to get to a phone and call MP for some help. He came and got the car started again. All was well for a few days.

Then I locked my keys in the car. Of course, I called MP. I mean, who else do I call?? Well, he had to call the Key Man (who really is called “The Key Man”) and we were back in business again.

Just a few days after that, the car stalled again. Still middle of July. Kids in the car. In the intersection, of course. Fortunately, I wasn’t too far from home or MP’s shop. It was at the intersection by Dutchman’s market, a little gas and goodies place on the corner. I was able to get some help pushing the car out of the intersection and into the parking lot and went inside to call MP. I think this ‘three times in a week’ was starting to get to him because when I called MP he said, “Quit calling me! Can’t you find someone else to help you?”

“Well, who do you WANT me to call??? Superman??” I replied. I mean really!?

“Yes, if he’ll help!” MP said.

“Well I guess you’re my superman, so put on your cape ‘man of steel’ and fly over here and help me out!”

Since then MP has lovingly been referred to as “Superman.” His only kryptonite (or that which he stays away from) are the words, “Honey, I need some help!”

Several years later, on Halloween Day, MP was mowing the lawn. The kids had been trying on costumes and Shotgun, who was 3 years old at the time, wanted to be Superman for Halloween. He put on his costume and was “flying” around, only to realize that his dad was out mowing the lawn without him. He rounded up his plastic lawnmower and went out to help his dad. I looked out the kitchen window and there he was stride for stride following directly behind his dad. As I sat there watching them, I couldn’t help but think how cute that was and I thought to myself, “Every dad needs a superman!”

As I watched the two of them, my heart began to swell. How I loved both of them. I saw him following his dad’s example and realized that we really are training little supermen. Hopefully all of mine will grow up to be like their dad.

I’m also wondering if any of them will be a mechanic that will come to bale their wives out when their cars break down because they hate sitting in a HOT car in the middle of the summer wondering if their mom even knows what a battery cable is.